Thanksgiving 09

Yes, I'm still looking back and reminiscing. It seems to be the only way I can get one more glimpse of my mom. I have the most amazing memories of her, but when it comes to wanting to see her face or hear her voice, there's just not much that can be done. I just came across this picture yesterday. I hadn't seen it before because it was on her computer. This is the last picture that was taken of just me and her. If I would have known at the time, I would have maybe set my beer down, but oh well. It was taken last Thanksgiving. This last Thanksgiving was full of thanks. We were all thankful for my mom's recovery to date, and hopeful for many more future Thanksgivings together. My dad said the most amazing prayer before we sat down to dinner. What I still can't believe is how quickly that all changed. She was actually feeling pretty good when this picture was taken, because she had just finished chemo and hadn't started radiation yet.

As I reflect even more, I can see now how much the cancer growing inside of her took a toll on her body. I went with her to either her last radiation appointment, or a follow-up appointment, and the doc said she'd be feeling 90% better within a couple of days. That never happened, and we just couldn't understand why. Now it is obvious that the cancer was growing when we thought it wasn't. She endured so much in the last year, and I don't understand why. She was the most amazing mom and grammy. So selfless, so willing to help you with whatever. Even during the last few days before she got really sick again, she was working on Jovie's 1-year scrapbook because she couldn't stand that Jovie had already turned 1, and it hadn't been finished. Our kids had the most amazing gift of a grammy who wanted to do whatever she could to make them happy. Her talk was always about "when I start feeling better..." and she'd say how she wanted to take them to the zoo, or to Chucky Cheese, or to see the tulips. Her ultimate desires were to take us all to Maui again and to go to Disneyland with us.

I can't put into words how sad thinking of all of this makes me. However, I am vowing to end every blog post, every conversation, every thought with the reassuring fact that I KNOW that I will see this amazing woman again. Before Jesus was crucified, he assured his disciples of this "Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy" John 16:22. I am clinging onto this word, because I know and feel it to be true.