I have to share a feeling I had the other morning as I was pouring my coffee creamer. First of all, coffee creamer is a special treat that Rob and I will indulge in when we have company or on special occasions, so the fact that this was just a "regular" Saturday morning, it was extra special that I was drinking my coffee with creamer. The strangest thing happened while I was pouring my coffee. As I lifted the lid, poured the creamer into the cup and filled it with coffee, I felt the most overwhelming presence of my mom next to me. It was sort of like those mornings when I actually wake up thinking I can call her, but then it all comes crashing down on me when I realize I can't. It was like that, but nothing came crashing down. It was a feeling of peace and joy because I honestly felt like she was with me. I have never felt her presence since she died. I have found myself trying to feel her. I've even gone as far as standing in her closet and smelling her clothes, and it hasn't happened. It's a desperate feeling. I just want to feel her here. I don't want to forget what she feels like. I don't want to forget her smell, touch, and voice. On Saturday morning, I just tried to embrace her presence. It lasted all but 30 seconds, which is the really depressing part, but I'll take it. I pray for more moments like this in the future as I get used to living life without her.
