Getting Ready

Christmas break is finally here. It was so nice waking up this morning knowing that I have two full weeks and three full weekends at home with my family to enjoy the holiday season.

A few things we've been doing to get ready...

Rob even got in on the action!

Lighted Christmas Parade, Decorations

Beth and I met at my Dad's this afternoon to go through Christmas decorations and put some up for my Dad. This was very hard. Much harder than I anticipated, but so worth it. We looked at every decoration before we put it up, trying so hard to figure out what my Mom had done with it in the past, and what she would have done with it if she were putting it up now. We tried our best, and I must say I was very pleased with the finished product. We didn't do near the job she would have done...but we tried, and that in itself I know would make her happy.

The lighted Christmas parade is something I've NEVER done without my mom. We have the most amazing memory from a few years ago of all of us heading up to the parade in cold and snow, hot drinks in hand, braving the elements just to see the look on Jack's and Ryan's faces of the Christmas lights and Santa. In fact, we have the most amazing picture of my mom and dad that night...I really need to find it and post it because it's absolutely beautiful. Tonight we still gathered for the lighted parade. My Dad, myself, and Jack sat on the curb in the freezing weather and wind and enjoyed the parade just like we normally would. Fortunately we were able to immediately head inside to Andrea and Justin's house to warm up with Beth, Adam, and Almira, and the rest of the Hodgins' Clan. THANKS!!! It was a good night. I'm glad that we continue to do the things that my Mom would be doing if she were still here. Every tradition this Christmas will be so painful without her, but at the same time, I don't want to skip a beat. She wouldn't want us to be sitting at home pouting, so I refuse to do so.

Beth found the pictures.

Just Beautiful!

Gold Belt, Onesies

Jack tested for and was awarded his gold belt in karate! He missed the last rank test because we were on vacation, so it's been a long time coming. He had to prove he knows the basics... stance, blocks, kicks, punches, etc. He was very excited and it was so cute to see him perform under some pressure. I think he's going to be great little karate kid. By the way, did I mention he got that blue badge a couple months ago for being the best listener in the class?

I have to show these onesies I made for my friend Sydney's baby boy. This is the first time I've tried this project, although have learned from the best (Staci & Natasha). It was lots of work, but lots of fun. I can't wait to make some more for all of the women I know out there having babies!

Presence

I have to share a feeling I had the other morning as I was pouring my coffee creamer. First of all, coffee creamer is a special treat that Rob and I will indulge in when we have company or on special occasions, so the fact that this was just a "regular" Saturday morning, it was extra special that I was drinking my coffee with creamer. The strangest thing happened while I was pouring my coffee. As I lifted the lid, poured the creamer into the cup and filled it with coffee, I felt the most overwhelming presence of my mom next to me. It was sort of like those mornings when I actually wake up thinking I can call her, but then it all comes crashing down on me when I realize I can't. It was like that, but nothing came crashing down. It was a feeling of peace and joy because I honestly felt like she was with me. I have never felt her presence since she died. I have found myself trying to feel her. I've even gone as far as standing in her closet and smelling her clothes, and it hasn't happened. It's a desperate feeling. I just want to feel her here. I don't want to forget what she feels like. I don't want to forget her smell, touch, and voice. On Saturday morning, I just tried to embrace her presence. It lasted all but 30 seconds, which is the really depressing part, but I'll take it. I pray for more moments like this in the future as I get used to living life without her.

Halloween Weekend

This weekend marked the 2nd annual Day-Jordan Halloween Extravaganza...complete with pumpkin carving, costumes, trick or treating, games, Jack-O-Lantern pizza, and lots of fun. The only drag was that I ended up at the after hours clinic with a fever and bronchitis it turns out. I couldn't host our great friends exactly how I'd imagined, but we still had a great time. Nothing like great company when you're sick!

Pumpkin carving with "Uncle Juice" (Jason)

Indiana Jones action shot.

Foofa (from Yo Gabba Gabba)

Not sure what Jack is doing here...

Trick or Treating in action!

The cast from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Short round, Mola Ram, Indy

The Hodgins Clan even paid a visit! Caveman Adam, Owl Almira, Witch Beth, Indian Ashlie. What great costumes everyone had!

Consumed

I very much dislike the title of this post, but if I'm going to be honest, it's the perfect word to describe our life at the moment. Often times we are consumed by our schedule...work, school, karate lessons, Rob's school, etc. And yes, I know this is redundant. More often lately I've been consumed by my grief. Not really knowing how I should feel or act at any certain time. Am I mad, sad, depressed, happy? Honestly sometimes I really don't know. I miss my mom so much. I don't know what to do with my grief. Sometimes I walk in circles around the house, whereas other times I'm productive. It's a maze that only I can find my way out of...in time I'm sure. However, what I do know is that I have so many reasons to be rejoicing and happy. I have a wonderful husband, amazing children, supportive friends and family. I also can rejoice knowing that my mom is in Heaven watching us go about our daily lives. I know she is proud. She always worked so hard to support her family and so I know she is proud of me for working hard to support mine.

This post is totally random, but that's how my mind is functioning lately. It feels good to have this outlet for my feelings because so often I don't know how to discuss or talk about them.

In lighter news...my sisters and I went to the pumpkin patch a few weeks ago, and Beth got some really great pictures of the kids.

This train makes a killing! $3 per child per ride! It appears at all the major parades and festivals in Lynden, and is a crowd favorite. Last spring at the Heritage Festival, the conductor made me ride...then he made my friend Anya's mom Karen ride too...I think we were both nauseous by the time it was over.

Miss Jack, Mr. Jovie :)

Jack...5 years of standing in front of this sign. My mom always insisted on making sure we took his picture in front of this sign. I can always look back on these pictures and think of her.

New Routines

I don't think we could have crammed anything else into the last couple of weeks. Between back to school, back to work, back to karate, new routines, and weekend commitments, I'm embracing this Sunday morning of nothin' but football, house chores, and relaxing. Our new routines are finally starting to feel normal. The kids are getting used to being woken up and carted off to various locations during the week. I'm starting to get used to waking up at 5:00 to be in MV by 7:00. Rob and I are mastering the hustle and bustle of getting home, making dinner, cleaning up, getting kids bathed and to bed all by 8:00 pm. By Friday night we were exhausted. In fact we were in bed by 9:00 this Friday after an outing to Milt's with the kids. Here are a few pictures from our busy September.

Jack's first day of Kindergarten!

I was able to take Jack and pick him up since his first day was only a half day, and school hadn't started for me yet.

2nd Annual Cardinal's season opener party. Autumn brownies make the tradition complete!

New jerseys for the kids!

A beautiful bouquet of sunflowers from Rob. I was having a difficult time with things the other day. Sometimes the trials of daily life just seem so much more magnified by the loss of my mom. She would have so loved to see Jack and Ryan on their first days of school. She would have taken them school shopping and made sure they had everything they needed. She was so big on traditions...as I write this post, I feel such an emptiness that I can't share all of these things with her. Rob brought these home to cheer me up. They really brightened my day.

Beans, Jam, Missing Mom

The last couple weeks have been consumed with house chores, getting ready for school and work, and having company. All things I actually really enjoy.

My G&G Van Diest have a great garden, and as long as I can remember they've had tasty corn, green beans, and beautiful dahlias. Also, as long as I can remember my mom has canned green beans for our family of six to eat throughout the coming year. They've always been my favorite. In the last few years my mom taught me how to do this...a skill that I believe to be so valuable. I'm amazed that we can take something so fresh and with just water, a little salt, and pressure make it last months. However, doing this task by myself in the past week though has left me heartbroken. I never thought at 28 I'd be already putting into practice what took years for my mom to teach me. She's always been there to instruct and take care of the really hard parts. Now I have had to learn to do that on my own. I'm not feeling sorry for myself...at least I don't intend for it to be that way. I just miss my mom so much, but I'm proud of myself for doing what she'd be doing right now.

I also had the pleasure of hosting two of my college friends for our annual Jam Fest. This Jam Fest 2010 was so much fun. Last year Sarah's little guy, Justus, was in the hospital about to undergo another surgery, so she obviously couldn't come. This year, Staci and Sarah both were able to make it, and so was little J-man. We had a full house and it was so much fun. Justus and Jovie got to play together, which mostly consisted of Jovie telling him "No" every five seconds. Which by the way all anyone has to do is look at her these days and that's her response. Anyway, we made some amazing jam, as always, and it was so much fun to catch up with these girls.

This week Jack starts Kindergarten and I'm back to work. Believe it or not it's my favorite time of year. Fall is just around the corner (my favorite season) and we're excited to get into our yearly routine. 

Road Trip Pictures

Out of 350+ pictures of our little road trip taken on a brand new camera, you could say I've been having a hard time choosing which ones to share. These are so random, and I'm sorry I can't caption each one. It would take way too much time. We had an amazing road trip just the four of us. After the year we've been through it was much needed for the four of us to spend some time together. It was awesome to be able to hit the road and go wherever we wanted to go. We could stop whenever we wanted and more amazingly, the kids did wonderful in the car! As long as Jack had his DS and Jovie had her Care Bears and Finding Nemo movie, we were set. The whole trip was amazing, but highlights include our two outings to Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., seeing the beautiful ocean and Golden Gate Bridge, swimming-Jack was fearless as long as his waterwings were on, Disneyland of course, a visit from Chris Marshall (Rob's great friend from high school who lives in San Diego), and just being together as a family. I hope you enjoy these random pictures. This trip truly was the best end to this summer that I could have asked for.